YOU JUST NEVER KNOW

One of the things I’ve learned over the past 40 years or so is that you never know when something learned in the past is going to emerge for use in the present. I recently had just such an experience when, a few weeks ago, one of the practitioners who comes to our home shared that her father had recently experienced a significant stroke paralyzing him to such a degree that he could not move and/or speak and the challenges this was presenting to their entire family, including her.

It immediately reminded me of a Sunday in July 1978 when I was arising and preparing to turn on the TV so that my spiritual teacher, Dr. Neva del Hunter, could watch her favorite Sunday morning services such as Rev. Oral Roberts. When I asked her if she was OK with me turning on the TV, there was no response. I asked again. No response. I went over to her bed and looked down at her and said, “Dr. Hunter, are you OK?” No response. I could see that she was breathing. She just couldn’t say or do anything else.

Needless to say, I was extremely concerned and did the first thing I could think of which was to phone her personal physician, Dr. Mary Kelly, who, after hearing the situation, said that she would be over as soon as possible, which, taking travel time into consideration, would likely be around 30 minutes. And so I sat and waited and every now and again asked Dr. Hunter if she could hear me. No response.

Dr. Kelly arrived and assessed that Dr. Hunter had indeed experienced a stroke that rendered her nearly totally paralyzed. The obvious response would be to transport her to the local hospital—a place Dr. Hunter disliked going to as she wasn’t fond of hospitals. What to do!? What would Dr. Hunter want us to do?

And then it dawned on me. I said, “I have an idea,” and went over to her bedside where I saw that both her hands were what I’d call semi-clenched. I could reach one of my fingers down onto the palm of her hand, which I did, and asked her, “Dr. Hunter, if you can hear me, squeeze my finger.” She responded immediately with the softest squeeze. Within myself, I cheered. “OK, we’ve got communication,” I said to Dr. Kelly.

And so I bent over and gently said, “Dr. Hunter, I’m going to ask you a question. Please squeeze once for yes or twice for no. Do you understand?” She squeezed once. I asked again, “Dr. Hunter, do you want us to take you to the hospital?” A relatively strong two squeezes followed.

I turned to Dr. Kelly and said, “OK, now what?” She thought for a moment and said, “You know what? There’s nothing they’re going to do at the hospital that we can’t do right here. We’ll turn this room into a hospital room,” which we immediately did, including a 24-hours-a-day IV drip, three nurses each on eight-hour shifts, etc. And of course, I would commute as much as possible from my job as an Assistant Professor in the Counseling and Educational Psychology Department at New Mexico State University in Las Cruces, New Mexico, about 65 miles away.

Dr. Hunter slowly recovered to the point where she could sit upright in a wheelchair and be understood if she spoke slowly. And it was all as if it happened yesterday rather than some 50 years ago.

Now, back in the present, I asked the lady who was sitting before me, “Are you in communication with your father?” She said, “No, he can’t speak.”

I shared with her the technique I had used with Dr. Hunter—that of placing one of her fingers into his hand and asking him to squeeze if he could hear her. I then shared with her that if she got a squeeze, communication would be established and she could begin asking him yes/no questions.

About a week later, she returned and reported that by using this method, communication had been established and how grateful she was as it had changed everything.

My takeaway from all this is simple: Maintain a “learning orientation” to life and use everything for the highest good of all concerned. After all, “You just never know” what you are learning and for when you are learning it.

May the Force Be With You,